When Things Get Hard During the Surrogacy Journey, Remember You Are Not Alone!

Over the past few months on the blog, we’ve been talking about the surrogacy journey. Surrogacy is an amazing, long, brave road that moms and dads and surrogates take together to bring a baby into the world. There are tough decisions to make and beautiful moments to celebrate. But sometimes on the surrogacy journey, things don’t go as planned. Sometimes things are hard. What do you do then?

The last few weeks at Hope, a few of our surrogates and intended parents have hit bumps in the road. We’ve prepared for this together, and we know that, even though surrogacy has amazing success rates, no outcome is 100% guaranteed.

But what do you do when you have a failed transfer? How do you get through the obstacles you didn’t expect?

As a team, we wanted to send out a few of the things we lean on when times are tough. Mary, LeeAnn, and Amy all share a little bit about how to stay hopeful if you’re facing a failed transfer, the loss of an embryo, or another bump in the road that feels truly difficult to face.

Remember what you know.

“There are so many factors IN FAVOR of a success,” Mary reminds us. Mary is the Managing Director and Co-Founder at Hope. “First of all, you have a healthy surrogate with a history of successful pregnancies. No doctor would move forward with a surrogate who didn’t have a healthy uterus.”

Even though you’ve hit a medical bump in the road, remember that you have what you need. Your surrogate, your intended parents, your embryos – all have been checked out medically to make sure you have the best odds for pregnancy. So, if you have a failed transfer, check in with your doctor right away. Set a plan for your next transfer attempt and review the questions you have.

And remember that intended parents and surrogates make an amazing team. “First your surrogate is financially stable, supported by her family and community, and is motivated by truly wanting to help someone,” Mary says. “Second, working with a top-notch fertility clinic will give you the best your odds for success. The laboratory is where all the magic happens, so you want to make sure that not only is your doctor and clinic wonderful, but the lab you are working with is good. And third, with the advancement of science, success rates for surrogacy doing a single embryo transfer are very high. And while it is not 100% (it never will be) the odds are especially good for surrogacy.”

Hope Surrogates are great at being pregnant!

“Surrogates are good at being pregnant!” LeeAnn says. LeeAnn is the Operating Director and Co-Founder of Hope. “In fact, most surrogates will say that they loved being pregnant while having their own children!  I think this gives them the confidence to go into a surrogacy journey feeling sure of the fact that they can do this!”

You can still have this confidence after a failed transfer. Remember that surrogates have a history of beautiful pregnancies for their own children. “Often, surrogates end up feeling even more committed to making it happen after a failed attempt,” LeeAnn says. “They want this so much for their IPs!  Stay positive! This WILL work!! “

We are here for you. When things get hard, CALL US!

If there’s one resource we would love people to use when times get tough, it’s our phone number. Amy, Hope’s Team Coordinator and Co-Founder, is ready by the phone. “Call us! If it is after hours, please at least leave us a message.”

“We are a small company and we like it that way because we all know what is going on with each of our clients,” Amy says. “We have a private Facebook page for our surrogates. They can ask questions, share information, photos, etc. It’s a place to find support. We also have wonderful information on our website. You’ll find lots of info on our pages and on our blog. Plus you can hear from real surrogates on our podcast about how they made it through the joys and hard moments of the journey.”

“And when you call us after a bump in the road, like a failed transfer, know that we’re feeling it, too,” LeeAnn said. “We know how disappointing and sad that is. We feel it, and we’re committed to helping you take the next steps to keep going.”

You are not alone. Keep going!

“We have years of experience,” Mary says. “We’ve guided hundreds of surrogates and parents through this journey. You are not alone. We are here for you through every obstacle and every celebration!”

Our job is Hope. Hope for your surrogacy journey and for your baby-to-be. Hope that carries you through the hard stuff and on to the family of your dreams. We are here for you every step of the way, even the steps that feel hard to take. We’re walking with you. Call us any time.

This post is part of a series on how to navigate the surrogacy journey. Check out this blog post to start at the beginning. And if things get hard, know that you can call us any time. We are here for you!

And if you need some inspiration, two surrogates, Lauren and Amanda, both shared their stories about transfers that didn’t go as planned. What did they do? Listen here. 


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