• Facebook
  • Instagram
Hope Surrogacy | 320 E. Wilson St., # 510, Madison, WI 53703/ 608-514-9150| 540 Lake St. Excelsior, MN 55331/ 612-286-0258
Hope Surrogacy Grow with us
  • Home
  • About
    • Testimonials
    • Contact
  • Become a Surrogate
  • Intended Parents
  • Surrogacy Process
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Menu
Matching, Relationships, Surrogacy

Do You Still Talk To Her? – Surrogacy and Friendship

Last week I shared the number one question people want to ask and are (almost) always afraid to. 

Now that our baby girl is smiling in our arms, there’s another question we hear over and over – “But, the woman who carried her… do you still talk to her?”

Most people are curious about surrogacy relationships, and if you’re a surrogate, a surrogate partner, or an intended parent waiting on a match, you are definitely wondering what kind of relationships you’ll have with your new baby team.

My answer to the “Do you still keep in touch?” question – Yes. We do. We’re like family.

My husband and I and our surrogate and her hubsand… we have become incredible friends. We are well past the pregnancy now. Our baby is growing fast, and still we text with our surrogate two or three days a week. We share photos of our baby girl learning to crawl or sporting her cutest new outfit. Our surrogate sends updates from her kids’ karate practice and their latest and greatest achievements at school. Now that all of us are parents (a fact that still catches me off guard – I’m a dad!), our surragate, my husband and I commiserate over the whirlwind of parenting – the dirty diapers and the crazy schedules and the sweet cuddles on Saturday mornings. You may or may not find us on Friday nights catching up over Facetime, each of us nursing a glass of wine after the kids have gone to bed.

I had no idea we would all be so close when we met. Like every kind of meeting in life, you don’t know before you meet if you’ll actually hit it off. “It felt like dating,” one surrogate told me recently about her own Match Meeting. And in this case, it’s like dating with the help of a matchmaker. That’s part of the magic the women at Hope Surrogacy bring into the process.

The women of Hope, Mary, LeeAnn and Amy, work hard to get to know surrogates and intended parents. Through the process I remember talking to the women of Hope about so many different aspects of parenting, pregnancy, surrogacy and birth. I’ve heard since then that many of the same questions were asked of our surrogate, so that by the time we met, the women of Hope Surrogacy already knew that my husband and I would be a great match for our surrogate.

“Still,” Mary told me later, “you can’t guarantee a friendship.” I’ve talked to many surrogates who, as in our case, have incredible friendships with the parents of the children they carried. And I’ve talked to many surrogates who have a more distant relationship with their intended parents after the birth. The reasons for distance are many. In some cases, parents have struggled for so long that once they approach surrogacy, the baby born comes at the end of a long, long, long journey which they need to leave behind.

“I found out that the mom had been trying to have a baby for over two decades,” one surrogate told me. Two. Decades. This woman worked with her intended parents for almost two years of that twenty year journey. As a surrogate, she was able to join this family in the last part of their journey to parenthood. She was the person they turned to with all the hope they had left. “It was so beautiful to finally see them with the baby,” the surrogate told me. “And then… they needed to move on.”

Some surrogates don’t stay close to their intended parents. Some become the best of friends. You can’t be sure what kind of relationship you’ll have with your surrogate until you start building one.

But – I can tell you this.

This morning I was feeding my baby, thinking about growing up gay. In those years, I heard a lot of difficult messages from the world around me – that gay men shouldn’t have babies… that, even if I wanted to, as a gay man it’s impossible to have a family.

But today, I held my baby in my arms. Today, I fed my daughter a bottle, humming “Rainbow Connection”.

In moments like these, I think of her, our surrogate, who helped make the dream of this moment, and so many more moments, come true. And as a parent I can guarantee – no matter what kind of relationship parents have with the surrogate they met on their journey, they, like me, carry a spark of gratitude into those special moments with their kids, every time remembering the miracle that made it possible.

No matter if you call her friend, sister, distant auntie or simply ‘Our Surrogate’, you will think of her with gratitude beyond measure for the rest of your family’s life.

—

Brent Love is the newest addition to the Hope Surrogacy team. We’re so excited that he’ll be sharing stories from his surrogacy journey on our blog. Have a story to share or a question you’d like us to answer on the blog?  You can email Brent at brent@hopesurrogacy.com.

If you want to talk about what to expect on your own journey into surrogacy, give us a call or write to us here.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

May 31, 2018/3 Comments/by Brent Love
Tags: friendship, intended parents, matching, surrogacy
Share this entry
  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Google+
  • Share on Pinterest
  • Share on Linkedin
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Share on Reddit
  • Share by Mail
https://i1.wp.com/hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/IMG_2812-2.jpg?fit=1144%2C795&ssl=1 795 1144 Brent Love https://hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Hope-Surrogacy-TM-Solo-Color-1030x735.png Brent Love2018-05-31 06:48:002018-06-04 14:59:37Do You Still Talk To Her? - Surrogacy and Friendship
You might also like
Surrogacy Podcast Update from Surrogate Lauren! Bonus Episode! Lauren Gives an Update on her Journey as a Surrogate
Taylor - A Sibling Project in a Strong, Beautiful Community
leaving for home with our daughter Waiting to Bring Our Baby Home
Transfer Day-What It Was Like For My Husband, My Surrogate and Me!
100% Heart Lori - How an Unexpected Delivery Became the Proudest Moment of Her Life
Hope Works: A Surrogacy Podcast Our Podcast is Live!
Is Surrogacy Expensive?
Lauren Episode 2 Surrogate and Mother Lauren's Story - "It Was Just Meant To Be"
3 replies
  1. Amy
    Amy says:
    June 4, 2018 at 2:43 pm

    I love this post!!!

    Reply
  2. Abby
    Abby says:
    June 4, 2018 at 2:46 pm

    Brent is such an inspirational writer!

    Reply
  3. Amy Kothe
    Amy Kothe says:
    June 4, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    Love this post!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to the blog!

Get it on iTunes

Recent Posts

  • Ashley & Dave – 2 Proud Parents Who Never Gave Up
  • Margaret and Eric – Reflecting on Surrogacy Ten Years Later
  • Michal – A Czech Father, a Wisconsin Surrogate, a Beautiful Family
  • An Incredible Bond – Catching Up With Laura and Chad
  • Laura and Chad – Two Brave Parents Who Never Gave Up Hope

Categories

  • Fertility
  • Hope Surrogacy News
  • Legal Process
  • Matching
  • Medical Information
  • Our Team
  • Podcast
  • Relationships
  • Surrogacy
  • Surrogacy Support
  • Surrogate Mothers
  • Surrogates' Stories
  • The Surrogacy Journey
  • Welcome

You can make dreams come true.

Are you interested in becoming a surrogate?
Become a Surrograte LEARN ABOUT THE PROCESS

Learn More

Fill out this form for more information about the surrogacy process!

Latest Posts

Proud parents share their surrogacy story on Hope Works!
Podcast, Surrogacy

Ashley & Dave - 2 Proud Parents Who Never Gave Up

https://i0.wp.com/hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Ashley-and-Dave-Episode-Blog-Header-Image.jpg?fit=1400%2C1050&ssl=1 1050 1400 Hope Surrogacy https://hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Hope-Surrogacy-TM-Solo-Color-1030x735.png Hope Surrogacy2020-01-23 06:21:332020-01-23 07:31:42Ashley & Dave - 2 Proud Parents Who Never Gave Up
Margaret and Eric reflect on their journey
Podcast

Margaret and Eric - Reflecting on Surrogacy Ten Years Later

https://i0.wp.com/hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Margaret-and-Eric-Episode-Blog-Header-Image-2.jpg?fit=1400%2C1050&ssl=1 1050 1400 Hope Surrogacy https://hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Hope-Surrogacy-TM-Solo-Color-1030x735.png Hope Surrogacy2020-01-09 06:11:262020-01-14 13:50:09Margaret and Eric - Reflecting on Surrogacy Ten Years Later
Michal shares his story
Podcast

Michal - A Czech Father, a Wisconsin Surrogate, a Beautiful Family

https://i1.wp.com/hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Michal-Episode-Blog-Header-Image.jpg?fit=1400%2C1050&ssl=1 1050 1400 Hope Surrogacy https://hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Hope-Surrogacy-TM-Solo-Color-1030x735.png Hope Surrogacy2019-12-19 06:21:052020-10-09 11:33:44Michal - A Czech Father, a Wisconsin Surrogate, a Beautiful Family
Catching Up with Laura and Chad
Surrogacy, The Surrogacy Journey

An Incredible Bond - Catching Up With Laura and Chad

https://i2.wp.com/hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Laura-catch-up-blog-post.jpg?fit=1400%2C1050&ssl=1 1050 1400 Hope Surrogacy https://hopesurrogacy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Hope-Surrogacy-TM-Solo-Color-1030x735.png Hope Surrogacy2019-12-16 15:41:192019-12-16 15:41:19An Incredible Bond - Catching Up With Laura and Chad
PreviousNext
Better Business Bereau

Listen Now

Listen to Season 2 here!

Listen as surrogates and intended parents tell their stories!! 

This season you will hear from intended parents as they share what brought them to surrogacy, what it is like to go on the journey with their surrogate (or surrogates) and how they felt when the baby of their dreams was finally with them in their arms.

Plus you can catch up on every episode of Season One where the surrogates share their stories of what it was like to carry beautiful babies for other parents-to-be.

Listen here and make sure to subscribe!

© Copyright 2020 Hope Surrogacy | Website design by Bizzy Bizzy.

Home  |  About Hope Surrogacy  |  Intended Parents  |  Become a Surrogate  |  Blog  |  Contact Hope Surrogacy

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Is Surrogacy Expensive? leaving for home with our daughter Waiting to Bring Our Baby Home
Scroll to top