Shots, Doctors, and Getting Ready for Surrogacy

So, you’re thinking about becoming a surrogate. You’re thinking about the journey of carrying a baby for parents who can’t carry a baby themselves. You’ve thought about that miracle of a moment when you will hand that baby to the parents in the delivery room – the brilliant smiles on their faces, the tears in their eyes, the magic of bringing happiness beyond measure into the world. Delivery day is magic. But delivery day is one day on a long journey, and there are big steps on the journey you might not have thought of, like the doctor visits, and even the shots to get pregnant.

Medical Preparation is Part of the Incredible Journey

Make no mistake – the day a surrogate delivers the baby and hands the baby to their parents – that day is so incredible that thinking of it brings tears to my eyes. But recently, I found tears in my eyes when I heard my friend Lauren describe the medical preparation she went through to carry a child for a mom and dad she met through Mary and her team.

Lauren is a Delivery Nurse and a mom, and she delivered a baby for her intended parents last summer. I sat down with Lauren to talk about what she, as a surrogate, went through to prepare her body for her surrogate pregnancy.

(Lauren is also a featured guest on our podcast, Hope Works! Listen to her episode here.)

A Surrogate Shares Her Story

Brent Love: I’m so grateful you’re going to talk with me…

Lauren: Thank you for thinking of me!

Brent: So, I wanted to ask you about the medical prep for surrogacy. It’s part of the process most people don’t think about, or frankly, know much about at all. Could you describe what’s all involved in preparing your body for the transfer?

Lauren: Sure, well the first step was the medical clearance. So that in itself can be a little intimidating, and it feels like there’s a lot riding on that appointment…At one point we were looking at maybe working with a fertility center in Colorado. We’re so thankful that that didn’t work out… knowing now what’s all involved … it just would not have worked out very well for our family and all of the travel to appointments. So being able to work with our clinic in Chicago was great. We could take a day trip if we wanted to, but basically, we made it a day and a half so we didn’t have to worry about traffic. So going down there for blood work for [me and my partner], because the partner needs blood work as well.  [The doctor] also takes a peek inside your uterus to make sure that there’s nothing extra going on, like a polyp or something. Of course, they check your vitals and talk through your potential schedule. But then it’s just amazing.

Brent: And you learn from the nurse?

Lauren: Well our nurse from Chicago at the Fertility Center of Illinois, her name’s Caryl, we’d been talking over email for a while so that was kind of fun to meet the people you’ve been speaking with and you come up with a plan… so it was really exciting to do that. And then, of course, when you are medically cleared you get all your medication shipped to you…Caryl from Chicago, our nurse, contacted the pharmacy and ordered everything we needed. The Pharmacy would call and confirm everything. And then you get your meds and a pillbox, some baby aspirin… all the injection needles and syringes, a sharps box. Everything was in there…

Brent: A sharps box for syringes?

Lauren: Yeah like for needles

Brent: Like the kind you see at the clinic.

Lauren: Yeah.

Brent: I remember you telling me before when we were recording our conversation for the podcast, you said every doctor is different in what they prescribe, but you did talk about shots with your doctor? Can you talk about what you know about those shots, like why you had to take them?

There are different types of medications

Lauren: So to start off, there were different types of cycles so I had to start birth control pills. Then you start Lupron which is to shut my ovaries down so there is no chance that my egg would be part of this pregnancy. The Lupron is a little shot, just in your fat, your subcutaneous tissue.

Brent: Ooooh, shivers.

Lauren: [laughs] Well that’s a little one, I can do that myself. [laughs] But a couple weeks before transfer you start with the estrogen to get your uterus ready to receive the embryo. That’s every three days, intramuscular. You can technically do it in any muscle, but I just don’t have a ton of fat on my legs so we always did them in my glute. And that one is fine. Um, you know it’s really not a big deal to me anymore. And then you start the shots of progesterone in oil. That is every single day, and that makes me very sore.

Brent: Ooooh….

Lauren: That’s the worst. At least for me the progesterone is pretty tough. It just feels like you went to the gym, and you’re crazy sore. There was one day I couldn’t cross my legs at work. It just hurt.

So that’s the worst. It’s true. It’s tough. And that’s every single day for a long time.

Brent: How long?

Lauren: It goes for a couple months.

Brent: Oh my gosh.

Lauren: At least ours was. That’s how he did it for us. Don’t quote me on that one, but we kept up with the shots for some weeks after the pregnancy is confirmed. From what I understand, that’s done in order to maintain the pregnancy.

The shots are not easy

Brent: Of course, everyone who is carrying a baby as a surrogate should be talking to their doctor about their very specific regimen of medication they would take… but the idea of giving yourself a shot if you haven’t done that in your life for some other reason… it gives me the shudders [laughs]

Lauren: Yes. I can’t do it.

Brent: Did you know going into it that your surrogacy experience would have all of this medication and prep work?

Lauren: I knew to a degree – Hope goes over that regimen as do the nurses, but I don’t think you can really understand until you’re actually in the process….

Brent: And, if you do become pregnant, it goes until the doctor basically clears you medically to stop.

Lauren: Yes. There were a couple of times that I thought the doctor was going to give us full clearance, and the doctor was like, “I’m going to give you another week”, and there was nothing wrong at all. So we had to do the shots for another week. I was like “Oh Ok! That’s fine…” It was different. But we loved it. We obviously loved it enough to try to do it again.

But it’s bigger than I thought.

Did you ever feel like giving up?

Brent: So, did you… I guess… was there a point when you think about that first pregnancy where you thought, “Ok this is a lot. This is bigger than I thought it would be. Maybe too much. Am I crazy?”

Was there a point where it felt like that to you?

Lauren: Yeah, actually. My husband and I kind of laugh about it, and we were getting close to being done with the shots. I can’t remember what gestational week we were. But I remember I would lay over the bed so that my legs were down, and my husband could give me the injection. And I remember laying there and I was just crying because I was tired from work, and I just… my muscles were so sore from the injection, and I was just like, “If I ever want to do this again, I want you to remind me of this moment right now.”

We still joke about it because, man, it was this pretty intense moment.

Oh, yeah, and I was kind of sick with a morning sickness type thing. I typically do have a little morning sickness with my pregnancies, but this was more… more than I had had with my own. It was probably the extra hormones. But that was kind of a moment of ok I will remember this. But… it’s like well… one day my neighbor asked and I was like OH yeah we’re definitely doing this again.

And then another thing is that the progesterone is super thick. The very first time when we first started, I would be like, “Just get the needle in! I don’t want it in there long!”… and my husband’s a strong guy, and he would just push the needle in. And soon I realized that was not the way you should do it. You should inject it very slowly, let it disperse amongst the muscle, and that was a lot better. But we learned the hard way with that.

How do you get through it when it feels so tough?

Brent: OK this is the part where I’m like… this is more of a generous act than people even think. I mean, frankly, why would you do it again? That sounds painful; it sounds hard. It sounds emotionally difficult. Why would you go through that again?

Lauren: Because I just picture the mom I worked with. I picture her and the dad. I just picture them with that happy amazing, look on their face again, holding their baby that they’ve been wanting for so long… it just totally makes it all worth it. And you know there are times when you are like… like we talked about… like, “Can I really do this again?” When you’re sore and uncomfortable and you’re sick and you’re tired.

But then you just get over the hump. You remember that it’s totally 100% worth it. And my husband and I knew pretty much right away that we wanted to hopefully try again.

Brent: It’s pretty amazing that these people that you didn’t know before you started your surrogacy journey are now the people who you think about to stay motivated. That’s crazy.

Lauren: Yeah… I keep picturing them and the pictures they’ve sent us and their happiness. Even now, a year later, they send pictures. They’re just so happy, and that just makes us keep trying harder.

Brent: I am a little bit shell-shocked. Some of the things you described…I know that our surrogate went through all this stuff. She shared some things along the way, but not –

Lauren: I remember that I didn’t want to tell our intended parents…

Brent: It’s like she’s trying to protect us and take care of us.

“I can do this.”

Lauren: Exactly! I would never have told the mom we worked with…I remember thinking, “That’s what I signed up for. It’s ok. I don’t like it right now, but it’s ok. And I can do this.”

Brent: It seems to me that surrogates, when they sign up, they think about carrying a baby. But it seems like you’re a surrogate for the whole thing. You are standing in for the parents through the whole medical process… through the shots that they can’t take that you’re taking for them. Through the scheduling and through the transfers that don’t work and then the transfers that do. You’re a surrogate for them through the whole thing.

Lauren: Sure.

Brent: I know that any parent would do all of those things for their kids, and they just can’t.

Lauren: Exactly!

Brent: And you’re doing it. [laughs] I’m getting emotional again.

“I’m thankful.”

Lauren: I’m thankful to be able to experience the morning sickness… it’s hard at the time… but to be able to experience those things, it’s such a blessing. That’s the thing. It helps you through the hard days when you’re not feeling well and you’re tired and your buns hurt. Some people can’t even experience this, so how lucky am I that I get to do this.

Brent: Yeah. That’s really amazing. Well, thanks for doing it. Thank you for being a surrogate. And thank you for talking with me.

Lauren: Of course. And thank you for having me!