Crystal – Twins, Gay Dads, and a Journey That Changed Her Life
We are THRILLED to welcome our latest guest to our podcast, Crystal! Press play to listen now to her incredible journey as a surrogate for two dads and their beautiful twins!
Crystal is a surrogate who carried twins for two incredible dads. She had just said goodbye to the dads and the twin girls she carried before sitting down to talk on our podcast, Hope Works. We talked in the apartment above Hope Surrogacy, the same apartment the twins and their dads stayed in after leaving the hospital. The tears were flowing before we sat down. In the latest episode of Hope Works, Crystal talks through her emotional goodbye, the rough road in the neonatal intensive care unit, and her own family’s history with surrogacy.
You can find every episode of Hope Works here.
How’s Crystal doing now since the birth of the twins?
Our original conversation happened a few months ago, and Crystal had just said goodbye to her intended parents and their new twin girls. I asked Crystal if she’d do a little Q&A with us to see how she’s doing now, nearly half a year after giving birth as a surrogate.
Brent: Your episode is out! It’s amazing to look back at all you’ve done and that incredible gift you gave as a surrogate. So, what didn’t you say in your interview that you want to say now?
Crystal: That’s a tough one… Maybe it comes down to this – there are no words to explain our journey and what we’ve been through… Nothing I say can ever come close to describing the love, bond, connection, relationship, gratitude, respect, and appreciation we have for each other. We make the perfect TEAM!
Not only have I changed the lives of my intended parents with two beautiful healthy little girls, they have forever changed mine. And I will be eternally grateful. In the interview you asked me how it’s changed me, and I think I said something along the lines of “I’m stronger.” Now I look at so many things from a different perspective. I took a lot for granted before this journey, or cared too much about such petty, minute things, like having a perfect clean house at all times, trying to always impress everyone and display this perfect image.
“One of my biggest worries was ‘What are people going to think?'”
One of my biggest worries, when I started this journey, was ‘what are people going to say and think?’ It’s unbelievable the amount of support, positivity, and love I have received. Our journey has made an impact on so many people. From family and friends, to co-workers and their families to complete strangers. The president of the credit union I work for personally called me, a week or 2 after the girls were born, to check in and see how I was doing, to thank me…The flowers from my work said ‘With Admiration….’… My co-worker, whom I’ve never met or talked to, randomly called me my first week back from leave and said I have touched her and her entire family…
I could literally go on and on and on for hours but what I’m trying to say is that Mary and LeeAnn helped create this. We all play a huge role and without all of us (Hope, IPs, surrogates) none of this would be possible. The Hope girls are miracle workers, and I will be forever grateful to them for giving me my connection to the dads and the twins.
“People often think [it’s] my eggs or my husband’s sperm.”
Brent: What do you want people to know about your surrogacy journey? Like, I know that people ask about the dads, and what it was like to “hand the babies over” in the hospital? But what do you wish people knew that you don’t often get asked about?
Crystal: People often think they used my eggs or my husband’s sperm. That’s definitely not the case. And in our case, it’s so much cooler than that. The girls have the same egg donor but different sperm. Each dad is genetically linked to one of the twins. Cool right!
People do ask, was it hard to give them up? The answer is no because the girls aren’t mine. There was no doubt in my mind, from beginning to end, that they weren’t mine… With that being said, did I feel a connection or bond to the girls? Absolutely. The girls, their dads, and myself will always have this bond or connection. We consider ourselves family and have a special love for one another.
“I love FaceTiming them because then I get to see the girls’ personalities.”
Brent: It’s been a few months now since we talked. What’s it like now? The twins are in France with their dads… do you get to see them? What do they look like? What’s it like to talk to them over Facetime?
Crystal: Things are great. My kids are back in school, so we are back to our normal daily routine.
The dads and their girls went back home in April when the girls were 8 weeks old. We message on WhatsApp typically 1 day a week now and FaceTime once a month or so. It’s always wonderful FaceTiming because then I get to see everyone in person while we are half a world away. I get to see the girls’ growth and progress, talk to them, etc. The girls are so beautiful and perfect. And the dads are so blessed. I love FaceTiming them though, too, because then I get to see the girls’ personalities. They are so different. One is very chill and content, and the other needs to be in the midst of everything, busy… with attention on her!
Brent: Who has been your biggest support in this process?
Crystal: My husband, of course, because without him I wouldn’t have been able to embark on this magical journey. He always took care of our kids and the household while I travelled for the pre-transfer appointments and transfer, all my doctor appointments. Even when I was on house rest for a few weeks then put on hospital rest, which was an hour and a half away from our home. It was a challenging month or two but we got through it, and I think that made us stronger as a couple.
“If you could talk directly to a woman considering becoming a surrogate, what would you tell them?
Brent: If you could talk directly to a woman considering becoming a surrogate, what would you tell them?
Crystal: Do it!!! You will regret if you don’t. But you absolutely will not if you do. The experience for me was so life-changing, fulfilling, gratifying. As Amanda said ‘I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life’. For many surrogates, it’s so fulfilling the want to do a 2nd or even 3rd journey. That’s powerful and says a lot.
The team at Hope is so so knowledgeable so if you have any questions, doubts or concerns, please talk to them. I guarantee they know the answer and could get it to you quickly.
Thank you, Crystal, for sharing your story and inspiring us through your courage, determination, and love.
If you haven’t listened to Crystal’s episode of Hope Works, click here to listen! And if you have any questions about how to become a surrogate or build a family through surrogacy, chat with us anytime! We can’t wait to talk with you!
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